Friday, March 29, 2013

Favorite Things

The Audiophile invited me to sit in The Listening Chair last week. He hoisted me up on a pillow so I would conceivably be at his listening level. Somehow, while I was balancing on the pillow, and trying to think about the music, I instead found myself considering the benefits of brown paper packages tied up with string and whiskers on kittens.

Fortunately, I was jolted back to reality, probably by God, because not only was I ready to make my assessment, but I knew exactly how I would describe the music even though I wasn't really listening.

When he (The Audiophile, not God) paused the track and asked for my opinion, I said with confidence, "It seemed like there was community among the vocals and the instrumentals in that they sounded incredible together and yet you could hear each one distinctly." The Audiophile thoughtfully stroked his goatee and replied, "Yeaaaah, I could see that."

That said, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Academy, God, and Julie Andrews for teaching me everything I know about high fidelity. But most of all, I would like to thank The Audiophile without whom none of these half-baked exaggerations would be possible.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Shower The People

It has come to my attention that some audio wives receive special gifts when their audiophile husbands buy new gear. Flowers, jewelry, and foot rubs have been mentioned as love tokens lavished upon the adoring women who do not complain about their husband's OCD.

I flipped back through the diary that I do not keep and noticed an absence of presents and favors. Clearly I'm doing it wrong. I am not sure where to sign up for this post-purchase pampering, but I'm hoping The Audiophile reads this and gets my order.

In the future, when something arrives in a small box, like tubes or interconnects, I'll gladly take a foot rub. If the box is medium-sized and contains a regular amplifier or a premillennial amplifier then flowers would be nice. If, however, a forklift delivers an item that requires my back-breaking assistance either up or down a flight of stairs, then I'm thinking a puppy of my very own would probably be the only possible way for The Audiophile to maintain his status as a gentleman among gentlemen.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Mixed Tape

The Audiophile has been selling, selling, selling now that he's convinced he no longer needs his old analog equipment. In order to accommodate all the boxing and shipping of gear, he took me on a date to buy packing tape.

The problem with packing gear is there is an audiophile code of conduct that requires all the tape in the nation be used to wind around and around and around the box until infinity. Every time he completes one of these ready-for-shipping masterpieces he presents it to me with the same look of achievement as my sled dog of yesteryear when he deposited the head of a small mammal near my back door.

If you, as an audiowife, are ever responsible for opening one of these tape bunkers you'll want to have your phone nearby with emergency personnel on speed dial, because the odds of getting into one of these babies without severing an artery are slim. The alternative, however, is busted gear so obviously a few days in intensive care is a small price to pay to avoid that catastrophe.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Basket Case

The Audiophile has decided to go digital. There have been plenty times in the past when he has said he is going digital, but this time he has purchased the necessary server, backup server, and backup to the backup server, so I am convinced he is really doing it.

The problem, as you who have gone digital know, is ripping the never-ending parade of CDs into digital format. This requires a reservoir of sanity that is typically not found in the average audiophile. Not that audiophiles are insane, but, yes, actually they are.

So far, I have successfully ripped 180 CDs, which leaves approximately one million hundred to go. At this rate, I would expect to lose my sanity sometime around mid April. You will know this has happened if I begin to obsess over the sonic accuracy of the telephone cord and hoist the washer and dryer up on Stillpoints.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Natural Woman

The Audiophile emailed me from the road this week with instructions to send some capacitors to a couple of people. This should have been easy enough, except one of the recipients seemed to be a woman. He gave me no information about this woman except her address, so I was forced to spend the better part of the day considering the following:

Are she-philes indigenous to Maryland? I don't know.
Are men ever named Colleen? Doubtful.
Rather than being an audiophile herself, is Colleen the best audio wife EVER? Maybe.
Are Duelund capacitors really the world's best? What?

I may never know the answers to these questions, but I performed my postal duties as assigned. Between that and ripping a good portion of The Audiophile's CD collection for him this week, I should be in second place, behind Colleen, for being nominated The Audiophile Wife of the Year.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.