Friday, July 27, 2012

Unchained Melody

In looking back at previous posts, I feel I own an apology to subwoofers. Sure they have been the instigators of several injuries and one near-death experience, but I have come to value their contribution.

The reason for this turnabout centers on a recent A/B session with The Audiophile in which he added a new rectangular item to the harem that does something with the ohms and impedance. I do not know anything about ohms or impedance, but I do know the rectangular addition turned the subwoofers from galloping stallions into prancing show ponies.

The Audiophile politely suggested my ears were immature and had grown accustomed to rumbling background noise. I politely replied that in my estimation, five out of five normal listeners would rather have their breath taken away by rumbling stallions than to have their wingtips polished by ponies.

In the end, it looks like the new rectangle is here to stay, but I suspect if I place my bets carefully, I’ll be able to convince The Audiophile to disconnect the thing once in a while so I can have the unbridled experience that only the immature ear can fully appreciate.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Hurts So Good

This week involved a new game show called, “Let’s make our own cable.” Unlike most game shows, this one did not offer much in the way of prizes, but it was somewhat educationally tedious.

What I learned about solid-core copper wire is that it is exactly like regular wire except it has super-hero powers to do something important as it relates to resistance, inductance, and incapacitance. What The Audiophile learned about solid-core copper wire is it leaves memorable blisters on your fingers when you attempt to braid it without wearing gloves.

The cable project took several days and required intense concentration. There was some soldering that followed the cable project, and it also required intense concentration. During this time, I became fluent in The Audiophile’s concentration language. 

One short grunt means, “Yes.” One long grunt means, “No.” And a series of grunts interspersed with quiet cursing means, “I’ve broken something, how would you like to go on date to the hardware store?”

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Crazy Little Thing

The Audiophile has been working on a Frankensteinian project for the last couple of weeks, so I’ve been left to my own devices most of the time. Fortunately, I indeed have my own devices.

From what I can tell, this particular project involves taking apart what were previously known as “fabulous sounding speakers” and doing something revolutionary to engineer them into “even more fabulous sounding speakers.” During this process the manufacturer of the speakers is evaluated on their soldering expertise, choice of capacitors, and general ability to put one foot in front of the other while chewing gum.

If I’m not mistaken, there will come a day when The Audiophile will be finished with his villainous laughter and late-night trips to the hardware store. At that time I am told the entrails of the speakers will be housed in separate, aesthetically pleasing, rectangular-shaped boxes with cables running from the boxes to the speakers to the amp to the preamp to the subwoofer to the microwave.

Clearly this will create additional challenges as it relates to NOT tripping over the cables, but I am confident this modification will provide another indiscernible, yet critical, improvement in the overall sound quality.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Musical Chairs

The Audiophile made an impulse purchase recently. One minute we were wandering around a tourist town half-heartedly looking at baubles and bits, and the next we were oddly in the market for a new listening chair.

This chair was designed to be stressless if for no other reason than to provide retailers and consumers around the globe with an opportunity to use their sexy voices to say “stressless” repeatedly and frequently.

Sure, the chair is voluptuously covered in buttery-soft leather and has a matching ottoman that automatically adjusts itself based on the paradigm of the music, but more importantly, and I cannot emphasize this enough: The chair is stressless.

The nice thing is, once The Audiophile was convinced this was the chair of his musical dreams, he turned to the salesperson and said, “I’d like a matching one for my wife too.” Never mind that our new chairs cost more than most elective surgeries, we are, and I encourage you to say this aloud with me: stressless.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.