Friday, February 23, 2018

Bugler's Dream

As I was considering which Olympic sport I might start training for, it occurred to me that there's really no reason Big Air Listening shouldn't be added to the roster. It would be something akin to the Maxell poster guy getting blown away except for the part where the more senior competitors are wearing ear protection to save what little is left of their high-frequency hearing.

The Audiophile has been training for this event since he bought his first system in 1975 at the tender age of don't-make-me-do-the-math. He can still rattle off the exact makes and models of the components in that system with a level of affection generally reserved for... for...

Anyway, Big Air Listening should totally be a thing, and according to some science guy on the www, it will need to be a summer sport because sound travels better through warm air than cold.

And now I would like to issue an apology to all the audio wives for enlightening their husbands to yet another variable to fiddle with that will affect the entire household. Hot flashing? No, the thermostat is just set at 95 because the acoustics are SO much better when the air molecules are warm enough to optimally transmit sound vibrations.


Friday, February 16, 2018

Dylan and Dylan

Remember Barney and Fred, the subjects of the last post?

Well, two guys named Bob, drove here from hundreds of miles away to listen to them. First, I don’t think Bob was really their names. I think when they were walking up to our house one of them whispered, “Let’s use code names,” but they only had time to think up one name before The Audiophile ushered them in.

Anyway, the “Bobs” listened to Barney and Fred, loaded them up, and took them far away where someone named Bobbette undoubtedly had the pleasure of listening to a lengthy discussion about the “acoustically superior proprietary polygon-oriented, triple-ring radiator high frequency array.”

Perhaps she too found it fascinating that while she knew what each word in the aforementioned sentence meant when used alone, if she’s like me, she had absolutely no idea what the words meant when they were put side-by-side in a magnificently ridiculous overly-descriptive, verbose-laden string of utter nonsense.


Friday, February 9, 2018

Have a Yabba Dabba Doo Time

What you see here is The Audiophile. Look closely. I know I did.

To the untrained eye, it would appear Barney and Fred slipped out of the house one night for some alone time with their womenfolk, and the next thing you know, Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm were born. Alas, that is not what happened.

Barney and Fred lived with us for several months. They were so named because they were as unattractive to me as their animated body doubles. For the record, I am not physically attracted to cartoon characters, but if I were I’d like to think I could do better.

Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm came to us from another audiophile who didn’t want to risk his eyebrows tearing them apart, rifling around with their intestines, and putting them back together again. Fortunately, nothing makes The Audiophile happier than risking every last hair on his head in the pursuit of Grand Poobah fidelity.

To his credit, all the characters shown in the photo sounded beautifully three dimensional when he was finished playing OPERATION with them, and that meant they were listed for sale faster than you could say WILMAAAA.


Friday, February 2, 2018

Back in the Saddle

Father, forgive me, it has been four and a half years since my last confession, I mean blog post.

You know how you sometimes see elderly people working the cash register at the market, and you ask yourself, “Do they need the money? Was retirement boring? Where did they get those sensible shoes and matching support stockings?”

While I don’t have the answer to any of those questions, I can tell you this: I have come out of retirement because The Audiophile cannot, for the eternal well-being of his soul (and mine), stop being unnaturally obsessed with this hobby. I thought about giving him a gift certificate for psychological therapy to celebrate the birth of Jesus, but he probably would have pawned it for a pair of boutique film caps manufactured across the pond.

Seriously, I’ve come out of retirement because The Audiophile has given me permission to use him as my muse once again until I can find a lucrative hobby of my own.