Friday, May 4, 2018

Crash Into Me

You may have noticed some speaker companies include a small hermetically-sealed diaper to use when touching their products so grubby human hands don't mar the finely-crafted mirror finishes. At first, this seemed like a great idea. I may have even cooed a little when I saw the diaper lovingly tucked alongside the instruction manual.

That all changed when The Audiophile asked me to help him install the spikey things that screw into the bottom of the speakers. I, of course, was tasked with using the tiny diaper to carefully lean the speaker sideways while he scrutinized the situation with the undercarriage.

While physics wasn't my best subject back in the day, I can tell you that leaning a fifty-pound object at a 45-degree angle while holding it with a slippery little piece of cotton is exactly what Albert Einstein had in mind when he conjured up that bit about gravity and its effects.

Fortunately, nothing went wrong, or you would have heard our collective screams no matter what zip code you call your own. I would, however, like to encourage speaker manufacturers to swap out the diapers for something that would make the handling of fine musical furniture less of a dalliance with the scientific laws of nature.