I've Got The Power

The Audiophile was on the phone recently discussing something about something. Out of habit, once I determined it was an audio conversation, I began to tune out.

Tune out, that is, until I heard him shout, "That guy has a HUGE power supply."

Now, I'm not an expert or a pervert, but I'm pretty sure you want to limit that sort of enthusiastic observation to the confines of your private mental library of opinions. Huge or dainty, the size of a guy's power supply is between him and his amplifier, and I think he'd appreciate a little discretion from the viewers at home.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

I'm Still Standing

Even though I like to count things, it isn't often that I comment on the cost of audiophilia because I view it as somewhat less expensive than the four-season porch I'll be petitioning for in a few years.

That said, I recently saw a transaction go through our account for a pair of speaker stands. Just to clarify, the stands are the things that the speakers sit on. To the laywoman, they are akin to a potholder.

The good news for me was this transaction was a credit to our account meaning The Audiophile had sold these stands to someone else. Hopefully this someone else is married to an understanding wife because once she compares these stands to her tattered oven mitts, things could get a little dicey in the kitchen.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Song For Ten

The Audiophile was in his workshop this week building a better sounding mousetrap. This was another of those projects in which I was explicitly instructed not to touch anything because I would immediately die from the current or volts or whatever is was that would rocket my burning flesh straight through the pearly gates earlier than God might have planned.

Since I was not going anywhere near the project of doom, that left me plenty of time to do some counting. It is a well-established fact that I like to count things like stairs, money, and flowers on the wall. If the Pilates instructor says we are doing 30 jump squats, you can bet I'm counting them and sorely disappointed to learn her idea of 30 is a lot closer to 50 according to my math and screaming quads.

Which brings me to my point: Yesterday, according to the arithmomaniacs at Google Analytics, this ridiculous blog you've elected to read reached 100,000 all-time views. And the only thing I have to say about that is...

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Born In The USA

Yesterday was the annual celebration of the United States' independence from some country that we don't really remember anymore because we've spent the last 237 years concentrating on the appearance of our teeth and gums. However, for one day every year, we set aside all our brushing and flossing to blow some stuff up.

Since The Audiophile has been working on a project that could potentially explode his pearly whites and everything attached to them, I asked him what I should do if the amplifier under construction takes his life prematurely. Heaven forbid.

His first concern was our children, house, and vehicles, and his instructions regarding them spanned perhaps forty-five seconds. His only other concern involved the disposition of his gear, and although I did not have a stopwatch running, it's safe to say the instructions were lengthy, detailed, and included impressive consideration for his electronic issue.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Magic Bus

Once upon a time, three weeks ago, when The Audiophile and I were in San Francisco on that Hop On Hop Off bus tour, there was an incident.

While I was craning to hear all of the fantastic details being imparted to us by the convivial guide, The Audiophile was fidgeting. I didn't think much of this until he leaned over to me and whispered with exasperation, "The negative lead to the speaker is disconnected."

Do you know what happened next? Of course you do, if you are an audiophile. The only logical course of action, if you are an audiophile, is to fix that high performance indoor/outdoor speaker right there in the middle of the tour with your bare hands and wily expertise.

Was he successful? You bet he was, and although the rest of the patrons on the bus failed to applaud him for his efforts, I like to think my dumbfounded expression provided him with all the recognition he needed.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Tainted Love

Last week I mentioned my new audio store game in which I look for the prettiest item available for sale. Naturally, while looking for that which is attractive, it is difficult not to notice that which is unattractive, dare I say ugly, even. 

This brings me to a question I've been pondering for years: What's with the handles mounted on the front of stuff? 

Were some people (and by "people" I mean menfolk) sitting around toasting their newly minted products thinking to themselves, "Hmmm, this stuff sounds incredible, what could we do to make it look WAY COOLER?" To which one guy slurred, "HANDLES, MAN, HANDLES." And the rest is obviously history.

Now, I've lifted plenty of gear in my day, and I'm not saying the handles haven't served a purpose, but I believe the moral of this story is that one should never make important aesthetic decisions while under the influence of high fidelity audio.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Everything is Beautiful

Given The Audiophile's propensity to seek out audio stores far and wide and my propensity to tag along behind him like a partially potty-trained puppy, I've developed a new game to entertain myself so I don't accidentally chew on a magazine or piddle on the carpet while he fondles the merchandise. The rules of the game are simple: quietly find the prettiest item in the store as defined by me.

The last store was easy. The hands-down winner was a newly released, high-gloss rosewood number from my favorite speaker company. This manufacturer, according to the video on their website, employs mostly women who are allowed to repeatedly touch the speakers (including the drivers) throughout the manufacturing process.

Additionally, they state, "Loudspeakers perform best in rooms with normal furnishings such as bookshelves, flowers, vases, and soft furniture." Perhaps, audiophiles, this helpful tip from The Experts will inspire you to move beyond sound panels and acoustic diffusers as your sole means of aesthetic victory.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

I Left My Heart

As the grand finale to celebrating my birthday for the entire of May, The Audiophile took me on a surprise trip to San Francisco. It only seemed fair that I reciprocate the love by taking him to an audio store conveniently located within walking distance of the Hop-On-Hop-Off bus tour.

This particular audio store was refreshing in that the proprietors seemed very friendly even though they undoubtedly detected we were on an Audiophile Field Trip which, to the trained eye, in no way resembles an Audiophile Buying Trip.

While The Audiophile was otherwise occupied, I took advantage of the opportunity to eavesdrop on another patron who was conveying to the proprietors that he couldn't buy what he wanted to buy because his wife handles the finances. Interestingly enough, I too handle the finances in our household. Maybe it's because I'm the one with the finance degree, and maybe it's not.

And that, my friends is audio winning.

Do Your Ears Hang Low

The Audiophile has been experiencing an uncomfortable sensation in his ears of late. He is blaming it on his system's mid-range because an audio buddy came over with a Geiger counter, and that was the official verdict.

The interesting thing is my dainty upstairs system doesn't seem to fatigue his ears. I kindly suggested it was because I never tweak my system or replace any of the components or play it over 70dB. He responded by looking at me through his eye slits.

To be sure his ears were functioning properly, he decided to clean them with a concoction of hydrogen peroxide and several other household products that I recall using in elementary school science class to make a miniature volcano. Since he had not appreciated my two cents on the subject of why my system was superior to his, I decided not to pipe up with my concern about him fashioning Old Faithful on the side of his head. Instead, I dutifully assembled the requested ear-cleaning ingredients and quietly pulled up a chair to watch.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

The Happy Birthday Song

The Audiophile woke up this morning next to an older woman. She didn't feel old, and in the dark she didn't look old. Still, when those under 20 (and you know who you are) call those over 50 "old" it muddies the harmonics of the occasion.

This brings me to my semi-annual attempt to convince my viewing audience that I am real, I am a woman, I am married to The Audiophile, and I don't look a day over 49. So for those of you (and you know who you are) who continue to post comments on various audio forums about me not being me: Stop it.

To celebrate the release of wife 5.0, The Audiophile has taken me with him on a business trip to Chicago. While he is being a grownup, I'll be enjoying a self-guided tour at The Art Institute with the optional headset rental. Sure, those disposable ear buds won't attenuate the background noise, but they will provide me with abundant bits of tid including the fact that I am definitely not old enough to have posed for the American Gothic painting.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.