Magic Bus

Once upon a time, three weeks ago, when The Audiophile and I were in San Francisco on that Hop On Hop Off bus tour, there was an incident.

While I was craning to hear all of the fantastic details being imparted to us by the convivial guide, The Audiophile was fidgeting. I didn't think much of this until he leaned over to me and whispered with exasperation, "The negative lead to the speaker is disconnected."

Do you know what happened next? Of course you do, if you are an audiophile. The only logical course of action, if you are an audiophile, is to fix that high performance indoor/outdoor speaker right there in the middle of the tour with your bare hands and wily expertise.

Was he successful? You bet he was, and although the rest of the patrons on the bus failed to applaud him for his efforts, I like to think my dumbfounded expression provided him with all the recognition he needed.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Tainted Love

Last week I mentioned my new audio store game in which I look for the prettiest item available for sale. Naturally, while looking for that which is attractive, it is difficult not to notice that which is unattractive, dare I say ugly, even. 

This brings me to a question I've been pondering for years: What's with the handles mounted on the front of stuff? 

Were some people (and by "people" I mean menfolk) sitting around toasting their newly minted products thinking to themselves, "Hmmm, this stuff sounds incredible, what could we do to make it look WAY COOLER?" To which one guy slurred, "HANDLES, MAN, HANDLES." And the rest is obviously history.

Now, I've lifted plenty of gear in my day, and I'm not saying the handles haven't served a purpose, but I believe the moral of this story is that one should never make important aesthetic decisions while under the influence of high fidelity audio.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

Everything is Beautiful

Given The Audiophile's propensity to seek out audio stores far and wide and my propensity to tag along behind him like a partially potty-trained puppy, I've developed a new game to entertain myself so I don't accidentally chew on a magazine or piddle on the carpet while he fondles the merchandise. The rules of the game are simple: quietly find the prettiest item in the store as defined by me.

The last store was easy. The hands-down winner was a newly released, high-gloss rosewood number from my favorite speaker company. This manufacturer, according to the video on their website, employs mostly women who are allowed to repeatedly touch the speakers (including the drivers) throughout the manufacturing process.

Additionally, they state, "Loudspeakers perform best in rooms with normal furnishings such as bookshelves, flowers, vases, and soft furniture." Perhaps, audiophiles, this helpful tip from The Experts will inspire you to move beyond sound panels and acoustic diffusers as your sole means of aesthetic victory.

And that, my friends, is audio winning.

I Left My Heart

As the grand finale to celebrating my birthday for the entire of May, The Audiophile took me on a surprise trip to San Francisco. It only seemed fair that I reciprocate the love by taking him to an audio store conveniently located within walking distance of the Hop-On-Hop-Off bus tour.

This particular audio store was refreshing in that the proprietors seemed very friendly even though they undoubtedly detected we were on an Audiophile Field Trip which, to the trained eye, in no way resembles an Audiophile Buying Trip.

While The Audiophile was otherwise occupied, I took advantage of the opportunity to eavesdrop on another patron who was conveying to the proprietors that he couldn't buy what he wanted to buy because his wife handles the finances. Interestingly enough, I too handle the finances in our household. Maybe it's because I'm the one with the finance degree, and maybe it's not.

And that, my friends is audio winning.